Pour Over Counseling
Relational, attachment-focused therapy for adults in Bend, Oregon
Grounded in trust, connection, and body-based healing.
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Hi, I'm AJ Frithiof (she/her), a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Oregon and Utah.
I work with adults who’ve carried a lot for a long time—people who are thoughtful, capable, and often the one others lean on. But under the surface, there’s grief, anxiety, shame, or a deep sense of disconnection that’s hard to shake.
Maybe you’re an adoptee sorting through identity and early loss, a parent trying to show up in ways you didn’t get, or someone feeling stuck in old patterns that no longer serve you. You might not always call it trauma, but something in you knows it runs deep.
My approach is collaborative and grounded in attachment theory (connection patterns), trauma-responsive care, and nervous system work. We’ll pay attention to how your experiences live in your body—not just your thoughts—and use somatic practices, Brainspotting, and mindfulness to support healing that lasts.
You're not too much. You're not broken. And you're definitely not alone.
Specialties
Click each section to learn more.
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Not all trauma is one big event. Many people carry the impact of ongoing emotional wounds, early neglect, or chaotic environments. These experiences shape how you relate to others, how your body feels day-to-day, and how safe the world seems.
I offer trauma-informed, attachment-focused therapy that helps you regulate your nervous system and make sense of your story—at a pace that feels safe. Through Brainspotting, somatic awareness, and relational work, we’ll gently explore the patterns that formed in survival and support your system in building something new.
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Substance use often starts as a way to cope—with pain, numbness, shame, or trauma. If you're sober, sober-curious, or in the thick of it, therapy can help you explore what's underneath the behavior and what your system needs to truly heal.
We'll work with the nervous system, not against it—using Brainspotting, mindfulness, and honest conversation to untangle protective patterns and build something more sustainable. You don’t need to hit bottom to deserve support.
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Even in the best-case scenario, adoption carries layers of loss. Many adult adoptees wrestle with identity, belonging, and a sense that something’s always been missing—even if they can’t name it. Early separation leaves a lasting imprint on the nervous system, often long before memory forms.
This work honors the complexity of adoption. Whether you’re exploring pre-verbal grief, cultural loss, loyalty binds, or questions about self-worth, therapy can be a space to process the unspoken and connect with your deeper story.
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Attachment isn’t just a theory—it’s how we first learn to connect, protect ourselves, and make sense of our place in the world. Those early experiences shape how safe it feels to rely on others, ask for what we need, or be fully ourselves in relationships.
Maybe you tend to overextend for others or pull away when things get too close. Maybe you feel anxious in connection, or like you can never fully trust that someone will stay. Or maybe you’re just tired of repeating the same dynamics, even when you know they’re not serving you.
In therapy, we’ll explore how those early attachment experiences shaped your nervous system and your current relationships. We’ll slow things down, get curious about your patterns, and build more flexible ways of relating—to yourself and the people who matter most.
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From the outside, you look like you have it together. Inside, you're spinning. High-achieving adults often carry deep anxiety, shame, or fear of failure underneath their competence.
In therapy, we’ll explore the origins of these patterns and how they show up in your body. We'll use nervous system tools, self-compassion practices, and relational work to help you feel more settled—not just perform better.
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Grief isn’t linear, predictable, or always visible. Whether you’ve lost a person, a role, a relationship, or a part of yourself, this work makes space for all the feelings—confusion, relief, anger, numbness—and none of them are wrong.
Therapy offers a place to process both tangible and ambiguous loss at your pace. We’ll honor what’s been lost while supporting your system in integrating and finding meaning, without rushing.
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I strive to create a space that is culturally responsive, inclusive, and grounded in respect. If you're navigating the impact of intergenerational trauma, systemic injustice, code-switching, or feeling like you’re carrying more than your share, you’re not alone. I work with BIPOC clients to explore the intersections of identity, experience, and resilience, always honoring your lived reality and the wisdom you carry.
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Supervision is more than case consult—it’s relational, reflective, and personal. I offer trauma-informed, attachment-focused supervision to clinicians who want to deepen their work, understand themselves more fully, and explore how their nervous system shows up in the room.
We’ll look at clinical stuck points, parallel process, and the human side of being a therapist—always with curiosity, clarity, and respect. Supervision is where your work grows roots.
About Me
Hi, I’m AJ Frithiof (pronounced Fritch-off), she/her. I’m a therapist, coffee enthusiast, lifelong learner, and someone who believes deeply in the power of connection—for healing, growth, and making sense of who we are. I also love being outside—whitewater kayaking, hiking, skiing, and spending time on or near water are all ways I reconnect with myself and the world around me.
Before becoming a therapist, I spent years working with struggling teens and young adults, some involved with the courts, as well as their families in wilderness and residential treatment settings. I saw firsthand how early experiences shape us—how we learn to survive, protect, and push through. I also saw how powerful it can be when someone finally has the space to slow down and feel safe enough to look underneath the surface.
I earned my MSW from the University of Alabama in 2014 and my BS from Texas A&M University. I’ve worked in the mental health and experiential education fields for over two decades. Today, I work primarily with adults who are carrying the long-term effects of trauma—people who are often the ones others rely on, but who struggle with grief, shame, identity, or disconnection inside.
Many of my clients are adoptees, adult children of caregivers who may not have had the capacity to meet their emotional needs, people in recovery, or high-achieving professionals who are exhausted from trying to do everything right. What they share in common is a deep desire to understand themselves better, to feel more connected in their relationships, and to shift long-standing patterns that no longer serve them.
How I Work
I’m a relational, attachment-informed, trauma-responsive therapist who works from the body up.
Translation: we’ll pay close attention to your nervous system—not just your thoughts or insight. You know the way you shut down, brace, over-function, or push through? That’s not random—it’s protective. It’s your body’s best attempt at keeping you safe. And it’s worth listening to.
I use body-based, experiential approaches like Brainspotting, mindfulness, and somatic awareness to help you track what’s happening inside—not just what you think, but what you feel. These practices help access deeper material that insight alone can’t always touch. We’ll also have straightforward, real conversations and build practical tools you can actually use between sessions.
I work with adults who are ready to look at the old stuff that still shows up in the present:
Early attachment wounds and complex or developmental trauma
Adoption-related grief, identity confusion, and relational stuckness
Perfectionism, over-responsibility, and the pressure to hold it all together
Substance use and recovery—including the shame, numbness, and pain underneath
The anxious/depressed swirl that often comes with all of the above
My clients are thoughtful, capable, and often the one others depend on. They’re used to figuring things out, pushing through, or being “fine.” They’re also ready to stop doing it all alone.
In session, I bring curiosity, clarity, and a grounded presence. I’m direct but compassionate. I’ll offer honest reflections, psychoeducation when it’s helpful, and questions that get to the heart of things. I don’t perform neutrality—I show up as a real person, and I invite you to do the same. Humor is welcome here. So is swearing, if that’s your thing.
We’ll move at the pace your system can handle—slower when it needs slow, deeper when there’s capacity. Over time, we’ll build more than insight. We’ll build integration—so that healing doesn’t just make sense in your head, but starts to feel real in your body and your relationships.
If you’re looking for therapy that’s grounded, experiential, and genuinely relational, that’s the work we’ll do together.
Contact
Reach out to begin therapy. I offer virtual sessions across Oregon and Utah, and in-person therapy in Bend, Oregon.